Unnoticeable

I – am- unnoticeable. And sadly this isn’t something I made up in my head. This is something a person from my class actually used to discribe me. UNNOTICEABLE. To be honest, that stung. A lot. It hit me like a truck and hurts like hell, because that is the last feature I’d use to discribe myself. 

It is no secret I don’t particularly click with the girls in my class. I don’t feel comfortable around them, they don’t bother to even try, to reach out and get to know me. I don’t fit in. But worst of all I feel like I can’t be myself in that class. Everytime I try,I get laughed at, which doesn’t encourage to open yourself up again. It is a very shitty feeling. especially when for the last 2 years you had the change to be your loud, annoyingly enthousiastic self.

And then ofcourse there comes the part where you overthink and make it worse in my head. unnoticeable… does she meant boring, but thought that was to rude? with my very logical train of thoughts, it went more along the line of boring, not worth to put your energy in. I admit she isn’t my type of person, I would want to hang out with outside school either, but still.

I might not like the same thing like them? My definition of fun might not be partying with people I barely know and drinking all night long. I like watching movies, listening to music, reading and talking to people. I rather have dormparties, with a couple friends drinking a bit, talking a lot and having fun. But does that make me boring or unnoticeable? Just because I don’t feel comfortable doing those things with them? Because in that case, I love being boring.

Don’t get me wrong, not all 26 of them are like that. I do have a couple girls I spend lunchperiods and we’re getting along more and more. Also my boyfriend transferred from psychology to speech therapy, so now he does the same thing like me. And that does help me to be more myself and open up with other people too. I know what you might think, that girls who clinges around her boyfriend all the time, how annoying! I admit it is dangerous seeing each other that much, almost depending on each other to be there (he doens’t click with his class either). But for now that system works great. And maybe someday I can be the exclamation point I reallly am.

Sorry for the boring life problems, but I might help other, who know. It is not easy for everybody to connect to other people and fit in without changing who you are.It took me a while to post this one, I wrote it over 2 months ago when I just recieved the label unnoticeable. And I didn’t know if I should post it or not, but here is it anayway. Why have a blog to share your story if you don’t share it.

Thanks for reading, read y’all soon!

Lovies

Need Coffee to Adult

Hello everybody!

I don’t really know where this post is going today, but i felt like writing. So here I am writing whatever will come up to me!

With all this college stuff being I don’t really have a hobby anymore. I haven’t had a hobby for a couple years. But now it’s noticable I don’t have any. Last year I got together with friends alot. But now I’m just learning, sitting and staring at a wall until I find something to do. With that in mind I want to start wrinting again! It’s been ages since I written something besides my blog (which I love doing, but it’s not as regular as I would like). I want to continue writing my story on Wattpad ‘The Forgotten Tales‘ (very shameless self-promoting I’m sorry, but maybe views will encourage me to write?)

Something else happened that was very exciting! GILMORE GIRLS IS BACK Y’ALL! I’ve been waiting for this since I know there was going to be a sequel. I just wanted to cry all 4 episodes long. I love how it starts in Winter, “I smell snow”. And it was so beautiful and all the memories. I remember watching it with my mom when I was little, not understanding a word of it. Because english isn’t my native language and I couldn’t read then. But I remember watching it everytime it was on tv. It’s a little bit like Friends, it’s ALWAYS somewhere airing. And 2 or 3 years ago I wanted to see the show in chronological order for once so I did. And I fell in love.

It did made me realise why I love the gazebo in the park near my dorm so much. Somehow it must have reminded me of the gazebo in the show. It was my favorite place in the whole show. It’s not as pretty as in Gilmore Girls, but I love it :p

Futhermore (fancy words) I don’t have anything, except the fact that I just wacht 1 movie 6 times a day. It works motivating, and time seens to go faster. It’s like playing music while studying, I put on Nerve on repeat for the whole day. Like a toddler, I still enjoy the movie.

I do have the mind of a toddler though. I like very childish things. Socks with cute prints. kids shows and movies, even kids music. It’s just all so happy, teen music or adult music ain’t even close to happy. I prefer happy 😀 The only thing I do like an adult is drink coffee! And like an Honorary Gilmore Girl would say “Do you like coffee? Only with my oxygen!”

So that was it, a totally inprovised post, about nothing exciting really; I don’t know if it’s pathetic the most memorable thing of the last week is the premier of Gilmore Girls. Well, better luck next time!

Read you soon-ish

Lovies

I can’t make friends

Hello everybody!

This week I’d like to write about yet another things I have on my mind. This is slowly becoming my personal problem forum, where I just rant about things that bother me and pretend I can give advice about it to for other people :p

(Reminder: The advice I give about things like this are just stuff that helped me personally and maybe can help others)

So I’m in college now, I go to a school where magically only 2 people I know go to. I also didn’t know anybody in my year/eductation (however you say it in english). And I’m having more trouble making friends then I expected.

I don’t know what bothers me the most:
a) Not clicking with anyone in particular
b) Seeing that others have it so easy making BFF’s on the second day
c) That I start to think I don’t need friends

I’m not saying I don’t like my class! They are amazing people and very social. But you know when you found someone who just is your friend, maybe not the first week or two. But eventually you actually see them as a friend. I don’t really have that. I have girls who I think could become my friends, but the insecure part of me convinces me that they don’t like me and that they are just being friendly.

Then second, I envy those people who were (literally) acting like BFF’s since the second day of the year. I’m not even exaggerating on this one. But than on the other hand, how can you become so close friends with someone you don’t know?
The reason (I think) why I’m having such a hard time making friends is because I had the best friends ever. Two years ago I had nobody and then I changed classes nad had so many amazing friends. So maybe that’s what makes it so hard?

But do I need new friends? I’d wanna say know, but having friends in your class, to talk to in school or lectures, it makes it easier. you know schoolfriends, people you talk to in school, but the minute you walk out and you go your seperate ways. But eventualy they can become your friends.

But I have hope! The girls I sit with now are very friendly, nice and unless I’m wrong and they actually hate me. They might become my friends. But I’m friendly to everyone in my class, I talk to everybody, I help were I can (without being used, cuz that’s not how to make friends). It’s gonna be alright, I’m gonna be fine.

Thank you for reading another episode of ‘Complaning about basis problems that aren’t even problems, I’m just a wuss.’

read y’all soon

Lovies

The College Prude

Hello everybody!

I’m late again, but this time I do have a valid excuse! The internet in my dorm sucks, which makes daily tasks and habbits impossible and sometimes a living hell. I can’t see my online schoolnetwork, which has all my tasks and courses. It is incredably frustrating to have no internet when you’re so used to it.

But that is not the topic of this weeks post. Like my title predicts it’s about college and being prude. I wanted to make this post, because I feel like this is something you don’t see or hear often on media. Or at least I didn’t.

Being in college of uni is a big change and everybody has expectation about how it is going to be when you finally get there. You saw movies, read book, all romatisizing college life. You start dreaming and fantasizing about parties and how you will meet the love of your life in classes. And you really look forward to it!

Well that wasn’t the case for me. I been worrying and panicking about college since I was 16. Not in a good way, but in a way that gave me anxiety attacks. I am not this outgoing partygirl. I feel incredably uncomfortable at parties, even small ones in my hometown. I’d rather go to a cozy pub and have a drink with my friends and talk, then going to an overcrowded sweaty space where drunken people jump up and down. (not a problem with people who do like that, everybody is different).

Lately my group of friends has shifted from pubs to clubs. And I kind of felt the social pressure of going and liking it. And I tried to enjoy it, I really tried. I felt like a prude, like I didn’t belong here. And I ended up liking them for a whole other reason. I started drinking… a lot. it was the only way I felt comfortable there. And for some time I didn’t even notice how f*cked up that was. Until someone pointed it out to me, and I did realise drinking isn’t going to make anything better and that this ‘college life’ isn’t only this.

Like I said everybody is different and has different interests. If you don’t like parties, don’t go to them. Don’t feel pressured. Do what you like and don’t feel weird about not doing what other people do. Be yourself and do what makes you feel happy, that is college life. Doing what you love, exploring what you do or don’t like. And have fun, whatever you choose to do!

I don’t know if any of you feels or ever felt like this. But I did and writing about it helps me and maybe even others.

read you soon!

Lovies

Mini Dorm Tour

Hello everybody!!

It’s been a while again :/ but finally I made my Dorm Tour, very amateuristic with pictures taken with my phone… kinda temporarly unable to locate my camera at the present time. So sorry in advance for the aweful quality of my pictures, I will update my dorm tour someday when it is completly how I want it to be 😀

So here we go!

This is the place I like the most at the moment! little cactusses, that was the first thing I bought actually :p and then ofcourse, a planner! ‘cuz ESSENTIALS. My planner was personally custom made at personal-planner.com for 30 euros (might seem a lot but it’s like a cheaper somewhat less fancy version of a Lauren Condren planner which is $40 only delivery costs. SO…)

and because of my general obsession with notebooks I have several notebooks for different uses, the flamengo one on the pictures is my ‘what do I need from home’-checklist.

But my absoluut favorite is my Photowall, makes the whole room a bit more ‘home-like’. pictures of my family, my friends my vacations of this summer, and of course some of my favorite quotes and rolemodels.

The bedside is sort of empty, I need more pillows!!! but I have fairylights which are a must in a dormroom, makes every evening cozier! And what is better and a cozy night, favorite movie and some chips? all that PLUS ultra soft and fluffy panda socks from Primark!

The kitchen is a little small, but I manage :p looks super messy, litterally every space I have is taken my stuff like my oven and cooking plates, but it’s quite alright. I don’t have to share it with tons of people. So that’s handy also have my own bathroom with is seriously heaven!

And on top of the soon to be super cozy dorm room… Ghent is a very pretty city!!

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And for the people who don’t know this, Belgium isn’t a big country at all, so even to I live in a dorm in the week we all go home on the weekends. technically it isn’t so nessecary to have a dorm, but it sures makes it a hell of a lot easier! big difference between a 15 minute walk to campus than 30minute walk + 15 minute busride + 1 hour trainride and 20 minute walk to campus :p

Hope you all like this, see y’all soon

Lovies