I’m a hypocrite

Hello everybody!

As you may see from the title this is going to be about a personal conflict that I recently discovered. I recently started watching Valeria Lipovetsky on YouTube. She is a 26-year-old model and mom, and on such a short time she made me realize that I’m being a hypocrite to myself. I want to change that fact!

even though I’ve been bullied in high school, I’ve never cried as much in a year as I have now. In fact I can count the times I’ve cried over bullying on one hand, because I know this was going to end. When high school is over, I will never have to see those people again and everything is going to be glorious. I calmed myself with the though that maybe high school wasn’t my time. But college will be.

I have never been so wrong in my entire 20 year-long life. My anxiety spike, panic is almost a constant factor in my life. I constantly feel as if I forgot half of the stuff I had to do. I do not feel happy. I am working for school all the time, I have seen my friends (what’s left of them anyway) 1 time this semester, I’ve been out 3 time. 2 of which were only till 12 o’clock or earlier, because I had school. I don’t think my studies are particularly had, but it’s all I can think about. when I don’t the panic is there within 5 minutes. I don’t know if this is what I want, actually I know this isn’t what I want.

Recently I learned that to build healthy relationship, friendship or romantic, you have to love yourself and be happy with yourself. Because you cannot put that burden on somebody else. Thank you, Valeria, you are absolutely right. And the only times I am enjoying myself is with my friends and boyfriend. But that shouldn’t be the case, i should be happy when I’m on my own as well. I should love what I’m doing, instead of panicking and crying in my dorm.

I’ve always wanted to become a teacher, for as long as I can remember, so why shouldn’t I quit speech therapy and you do what I’ve always wanted to do? see the hypocrisy, as you may or may not know my favorite quote is:

sometimes all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage. Just, literally, 20 seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.

which my blog name also refers to. And I try to life by it as much as I can. So why don’t I just do it now, take my 20 seconds and change studies to do something I’ve always wanted to do? because I’m afraid I won’t be good enough? Because I lack the confidence? Because I don’t want to let people down? All of these are true thoughts I have

I can be a good speech therapist, but I could be a great teacher. Maybe I overcome my insecurities and shyness quicker, easier and better when I studying to become a teacher then with studying speech. I don’t know if I will be happier then, maybe it isn’t what I want. But honestly what I’m doing now is definitely not what I want.

So should I just take my 20 seconds and switch my career path or should I stay strong and finish this. Because that’s my biggest dilemma, change or hold on for a couple of years.
what would you do in my situation? I live in Belgium where I can change studies, I don’t live in America where I’ll end up with 10.000 dollars debts, so it’s not an unrealistic dilemma I’m having.


Dear Reader,


Dear Reader,

You are never going to believe what I did this week! surprise, surprise… I’ve read a book. Since my social life is non-existent with my school schedule and all the after school preps for the day after, my little free time goes to reading these day (as you may noticed since this is the third book review in a row, if it’s boring just let me know and I’ll stop). I read in every sort of spare time I have. 10 min before class? Read. waiting in the elevator? Read. Breakfast? Read. I hide in the ‘tower’ at school so I can have some quiet time to read. I HAVE NO LIFE ANYMORE! But hey, reading is the best thing ever!

why am I writing in email form, you ask? well, that is because it is the way my latest book and today’s subject is written. This week I’ve read the book “Love, Rosie” by Cecelia Ahern. The movie adaptation has been one of my favorite movies for years! and since lately my book genre preference is noticeably changing I gave the book a go, and I absolutely LOVED it.

The whole book is writing in letter/email/postcard/chat/call form, which is a bit weird in the beginning (especially when you saw the movie), because you only know what’s been told in the letter nothing more and nothing less. But once you are adjusted to the writing style you are so absorbed in the story that you just want to keep reading and reading! The story is in big lines the same in the movie, some other chronology. But it is far more ‘real’, as far as I can relate, you know I’m not a mother at the age of 19. But it is way more realistic than the movie (logical of course). (It also a great book if you, like me, read for 5 minutes a time, because after every letter you can stop without having the problem of stopping in the middle of a paragraph)

Rosie’s life, the ups and down get revealed through the letters, which makes it more personal, in my opinion. Everybody’s life gets into the story. Not just Alex’s and Rosie’s. I think reading the book made me appreciate the movie more. The movie is of course awfully americanized, it really romanticized the ‘being a  teen mom without a diploma’ a lot. The actual story doesn’t completely revolves around the love life of Alex and Rosie. There is so much more to it. Meeting people, making friends when you have a kid while having no job nor education. The story covers the ‘whole’ life of Rosie, also with some time jumps.

I think it is an inspirational, yet funny story about a woman trying to achieve her dreams, no matter how life turns her world upside down. Always wanting the best for everybody around her, without trying to forget her own happiness. Nobody’s life is a fairy tale, everybody has obstacles. But that doesn’t mean you are defeated even though it might feel that way. Just push through and never forget your dream, even if life gets in the way. And yes, I did cry on multiple occasions.

B ❤


Caraval by Stephanie Garber

Hello everybody!!

This time I’m writing a book review, something I haven’t done in a REAAAAALY long time. I think this is the first book I’ve read in over a year that wasn’t an assignment and yes I am ashamed of it, because I absolutely LOVE reading. But before I start I want to thank everybody for the sweet comments and like on my previous post ‘Unnoticeable’. It means the world to me! 

Now lets started!


Like I said, Caraval is the first book I’ve read in a really long time and I was absolutely delighted! It was so amazing it just peaked my love for reading agian! So thank you Stephanie! It’s a book full of magic, mystery and love and I adored it!

A little introduction to the book!

Scarlett and het sister Donatelle are the daughters of a very severe and dominant father. They are trapped on the island he reigns. Scarletts father arranged a marriage for her to a count from another isle. Not for her benefit but for his.

Scarlett has been dreaming of going to Caraval since she was only a little girl and every year she would write to Legend, the man behind the magic, asking if Caraval would ever come to their Island. But she never got a respons. Until one fortunate day! she recieved 3 tickets to go to Legend’s infamous Isle were reality fades away in illusion of magic. Telle immediately grabs the chance to  leave and figures out a way to get her sister to come along. But once they arrived Tella has vanished! Legend decided that Scarlett’s sister was this years mystery to solve. Not only for Scarlett but for ALL participants the search for Donatella is the main concern, but not for the same reason as Scarlett. But remember it’s only a game!

It was such a beautiful book , you get sucked in the story from the first sentence ’till the last. I read it in one go, I just couldn’t put it down. I could just feel the magic, I had to remind myself that it was only a game IN a book! But in a way you need to feel the magic to solve the mystery . that’s right, YOU along with scarlett discover what this mysterious Caraval has to offer. And when you think you’ve got it all figured out, magic happens and the carousel turns around.

I really really loved, and hope there might come a sequel or maybe a prequel! The Love, the Magic, the game and the mystery it is amazing! All I could think was ‘Come Back Yesterday‘ so I could reread it all over again!

I hope you liked this little review and read you all soon!



Hi everyone!

Still nailing the weeky updates (it’s a record I think!). So september is ending and normally there are some upcoming posts in the making! Get excited peeps!

My first week in college has ended and like my previous post said, I wasn’t ready for this. I wasn’t ready to meet new people, to make new friends, to have a student life. The social anxiety level of this week was too much for me to handle. The school stuff was no problem, classes went fine, teachers are great, campus almost figured out.

But the social side of all this, it’s difficult. In my class, in my dorm, in this city,  I have this feeling I don’t belong. I am relatively social person, if I click with someone at least. I don’t haven’t that with anyone (yet). And it’s hard, being alone in my room, nothing to do. My friends are in class or home. I don’t like being alone, or feeling alone (which is even worse). Luckily I still have some old friends, who already know the real me. So I can be myself at least a couple times.

Yesterday I went to a party organised by an organisation of 2 friends of mine. And I just broke. Seeing everybody, I missed them all so much. I stood there hugging and crying for 10 minutes with my friend. I practically cried all night. My best friend and I got thorugh our problems. It was emotionally too much. I am not ready. I don’t want new friends. And even if I make new friends they will never be like them!

I hope I will feel beter soon. cuz honestly this feeling sucks. But I’m gonna try the student life, you know partying and stuff. (which isn’t at all my interpretation of having fun, but I’ll try). There are a lot of events this week for students, so let’s see where that brings me!

See y’all later


Sun, Work and Vacation

Hello everybody!

I know it’s been a while… about 4 months or something, no biggie :/ Exams and vacation I’ve been pretty busy. And when I was not busy I was just straight up lazy and procrastinating everything. You know, binge-watching show living life as a true no-lifer!

But seriously, it actually was pretty busy these last months. But my vacation started amazing! Since I’m going to college in 2 weeks, I needed a place to live (ON MY OWN guess who’s gonna die!) But after months of looking and visiting places. I found one! and I think it looks amazing (at least when I’m done decorating it, expect a  dormroom dedicated blogpost!) I’ve been decorating that room in my head ever since I knew I had it!

Other from that, my first 2 weeks of being graduated from high school were calm. I had time to meet up with friends. I went to a foodtruck festival HAP, that like litterally aweosme! I had nachos, vietnamese food, american burgers, so much food!!!!!  And then I had to do all the prep work for my student job that I procrastinated as well. Prepping 2 weeks of summer daycamp can be done in 1 day if you work hard :p

And then working began! I love doing summer daycamp. It’s always fun and the kids love it. And it was 35°C so watergames!!! It was awesome. Did some cheeky little triple date in the middle of the week, cuz why not! I wish I had more weeks, but like I said pretty busy vacation.

After that couple of days to rest and binge-watch Orgfan Black (awesome show btw) And prep a little bit for my citytrip to Amsterdam with my boyfriend.
Amsterdam is so beautiful! It’s so weird it was the first time visiting, knowing it’s right next to Belgium.Anyway, it was all so cute. Lot’s of cute little streets, cheese shope, weed shops.

Okay after that I actually had two full weeks to socialise and stuff, yet I didn’t. Don’t ask me why, didn’t feel like it. I enjoyed being alone, which I hadn’t been for weeks, so it was nice. Not that I didn’t meet up at all, just not every day. Plus I had to prep for a last minute summer camp (sleepover camp so more prepping) which was the best camp ever! I think the girls loved it as well, they bought us an anckle bracelet. you don’t do that if you hated it :p

I must say my planning wasn’t that great, I left for camp 14 augustus, which was our 6 months anniversary, my boyfriend wasn’t too happy about that, I must say. And to make it a little harder, he got to see me a few hours before I left for Valencia… Like I said great planning went into that. But Valencia was worth it. with my  friends in the sea, sunbathing, walking in the old town. beautiful.

And then last week, after Valencia. I took the opportunity to be very social, like going out every day. Something my mom didn’t like and neither did my wallet :p

Next week we’re decorating my dormroom and buying my way too expensive books (And I really should not complain because College and Uni in Belguim is one of the cheapest). And then I’m starting my first year Speech Therapy and I’m freaking scared!!

kot 1

So yeah, this was a long post… told you it was a bussy summer! And i’m still forgetting thing… anyway… thanks for reading, see ya soon!



Crazy Vacation :o

Hello everyone!

So last week and a half we had vacation, which is always more than welcome :p It was a very busy vacation! like crazy busy, but probably the best vacation ever!

Let’s see how it started

So saturday I coloured my hair red, but I mentioned that already :p On sunday I attemped to do my homework, because that’s how we all are in the beginning of the vacation… and eventually just procrastinate everything.

On mondag I had open classes at university (that are lessons at uni of college that are open for high school students to attent, so we get an idea of the teaching style and if we like that course), but I was afraid to go alone so I asked someone with me. (which was a great idea, you’ll see why…)

Tuesday I went to a soccer game with one of my friends. Anderlecht vs Arsenal. Anderlecht won!!!! YEAY!!


Wednesday was another procastinating day, so many thing I postponed… managing social contacts is also very important!!!

Wednesday evening was very interesting. We had another Open class again, but it was quite early so we stayed at my friends place in Ghent. (almost 2hours more sleep). So wednesday evening, trainrides can be really fun with awesome company :p We ordered pizza and of course it was nessecary to show all the embarrasing pictures of my awkward years… *cringing so hard*

Thursday morning, open class, which was so interesting, I think I know what I wanna studie next year 😀 After that we met up with Mah Main Gurl who was also in Ghent for an open class that afternoon. And we ate pizza, again (don’t see me complaining). We didn’t really feel like going home yet, so we decided to go on our 3 date and go to the movies, cuz lucky for us Deadpool just came out! (super amazing giga-awesome movie, if you haven’t seen it, YOU SEE IT!).

When we did get home, I practically went straight to Mah Main Gurl, cuz we had a ‘Holiday Meeting’ sort of planning our vacation with our friends! whooohoooow but I was so tired, (because of the sleep I didn’t have the night before) I fell asleep on her couch! :p

Friday sucked, I was so sick, I kept vomitting… IEUW!!! so yeah obviously I couldn’t do any homework then either….SOOOO postponed….

Saterday was kidscarnaval, which my dad helps organising, 2 friends and I went to help with the entries for the costume competition. It was really fun! Next year again! But again time managing not our greatest talent. So straight from kids carnaval to another friends house, for Awesome Sleepover Party with pizza… yeah again… played some drinking games and got a valentine’s day text. Yes I had a Valentine for the first time in my life :p


Then 14th of Februari…THE DAY, it was K3 concert (Its for kids, but its my childhood and my last chance to see them before they quit, I going to 2 more concerts of them tho :p) It was awesome, I was already so happy, didn’t think the night could become even better…. BUT… after that I went to carnaval, which was amazing cuz, yeah it was valentine’s day, I had a valentine and after a bit… I had a boyfriend, yes for the first time in my life (sorta…) So yeah the night did get better ❤

No pics of carnaval..sorry…I had a zebra onesie on…nothing special like last year :p

Monday and tuesday, normally back to school, but in our city it was carnaval so our city is just shut down for 3 days… so yeah carnaval… drank a little too much in the beginning. PRO TIP:  never drink if you haven’t eaten before… not a good idea… believe me
My carnaval this year was mostly being with my boyfriend :p

Tuesday noon, luckily no hang-over, cuz yes I had  yet to do ALL my homework… that was the moment I realised I had been stupid, and postponing was the worst thing to do… cuz no one is in a decent state after carnaval… well yeah… beter luck next year? Although I think nothing can top this one :p

this turned out so much longer than intended…told you it was a crazy week!! see you in 2 weeks!




Last weeks of 2015

Hello everyone!

It been 2 months since my last post, like you see regular posting has been going great! But the new year has started and again I’m going to try and update every 2 weeks! 

I could tell you what happened the last 2 months, but half of it are exams and the other part I don’t remember. But the last 3 weeks have been amazing and I will share them with you if you want it or not :p

A couple months ago, my friend had an amazballz idea, city trip to Cologne (city in Germany). So we booked it for 2 days after exams finished. So not much time to catch up on sleep, because I had to get up at 4 in the morning to catch the bus!
We all had a great time, walking on the Christmas fair, talking a laughing, and of course the huge shopping street right next to the fair. We went crazy, 2 days of shopping in all kinds of store we don’t have close to us. 1 days observing the stores, to see what we wanted to buy where (because you don’t want to regret buying something you eventuelly see in another store cheaper of better) so observing, very important! And day 2 BUYING ALL THE STUFF, we went all out, lush bath bombs, primark onesies, Make up stores. And of course FOOD, we had dinner in the Hard Rock Cafe and let me tell you this, if you never been there, get up, go to the closest one, walk in and enjoy heaven!
It was a great idea to do this, because I am new in that group of friends and those 2 days really brought us all closer to each other and I really really like it and I love them!

Then there were the days before Christmas, which were endless! I had nothing to do, I didn’t know what to do, until I got a text
“come over”
“Harry Potter sleep over”
And I was like ‘HELL YEAH’,already fully clothed in Harry Potter clothes, grabbed my onesie and off I was! We didn’t watch Hary Potter, we talked, and talked, and talked and fell asleep 10 minutes in the movie!

Christmas was fun, as usual, food and games! We played that game where you get the whipped creme in your face, hilarious!

After that the awful days between Christmas and New Year when you have no idea what time or day it is. You wake up at 3pm, just in time to get ready cuz you were gonna meet up with da crew :p wasn’t home much those days, and my sleeping pattern was totally messed up, but it was worth it!

And then FI-NA-LY New Year’s Eve! I don’t do anything with my family on NYE and this year, lucky for me, so where some of my friends. So we got together, made pizza and had sooo much fun! It was the best NYE I’ve even had! 2016 started with some hectic moments, lot of sharing and caring and crying! But we had an amazing time, definitely repeating that next year!

And that’s it, school starts tomorrow, I haven’t done a thing for school, so the New Year’s resolutions are already failing! But I’mm roll into the whole school-thing soon enough! See y’all later! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!



Vacation, Work and Friends

Hi everybody!

How are ya’ll doin’? pretty fine, I hope. It’s been a while since my last post. And to be honest I could’ve written one about the week before spring break, because we had project week. But I was too lazy and couldn’t be bothered actually writing it. Also because I don’t think you’re very interested in which museums we visited and how we ignored the tasks we had to do in different cities and took a 3 hour lunch instead.

that said, I didn’t really had anything prepared for this week. Because again I’m lazy. But I had to work all week and fell asleep the moment my head hit the couch. Yet, I didn’t want to slack a week AGAIN, I really want to make this work.

So actually I should probably go to bed, because I have to get up at 5.15AM. But here I am, got my tea ready and my candle lit. So let’s do this.

As I said, I’ve been working all day. And not in a clothing store or other poplar students jobs. I have been working at my moms office. And I is literally mind-numbing,Scanning piles and piles of documents isn’t something you have to have brains for. But that isn’t the main thing I have on my mind. Last week it was unusually hot, warm and sunny. And I was filing documents all alone, surrounded by boxes. While my friends went shopping.

I realised that I really missed my friends, I felt  a little lonely. I’ve never had that, not before this school year at least. I’ve always been in a class where I didn’t have friends, I was always the one siting alone in the back, never saying anything. But this year I’m a the opposite. I have lots of friends in my class and other classes, I feel more confident and accepted. I never realised how much a class could do to your school year. I used to care too much what other people thought of me, and because of that I never been myself. I am a loud, weird, awkward person and I don’t care that other people think I’m annoying because of that. I have friends as crazy as me, who instead of judging me, go along in the weirdness. And if you can be your true self, you’ll find true friends. I don’t want to waste any more of my time on pleasing people who don’t like me.

Somehow when I write a non-prepared post they always end up getting pretty deep. All I want to say is, lose the fake friends, be who you are, who you want to be; Spend more time with the people you like and who like you. Don’t wast your time.

By the way I’m trying to get my schedule full for the whole week. I have catching up to do! 2 of the 5 days are already planned 😀

I hope you enjoyed this little catch up with a message 🙂 if you did, give it a like 😉


Cute DIY gift idea’s

Hello there!

In a couple months my friend and I know each other for a year. That might not be a big deal, but for us it is.

My friend and I are sort of Pen Friends, but the social media version. We talk almost everyday and we talk about everything. I think it is very special to have such a close friendship with somebody from an other country. She is literally the me from Turkey. We like the same things, we help each other out if somethings is wrong. We can always count on each other.

Now that’s said, I can get to the main part of this post. On this special occasion we decided we’d make a “Pen Pal Kit”. It is a little box with little gifts in it.

We are going to actually write a letter to each other, add something typical from a country and then to make it totally complete… a cute little DIY gift. And because I’ve been searching through a lot of DIY, I thought I’d share my favorites with you 🙂



This first one is a little bit specific. “How to make a Harry Potter wand”. I’m absolutely in love with Harry Potter (Well, not actually Harry potter, but Fred Weasley :3 ) harry potter DIY wand


A little something I found, to give your sweetheart. it’s a very sweet and thoughtful gift that is not expensive at all. 52 things i love about you 52 thingds





The next thing isn’t one specific thing, it is more the general idea. GIFTS IN JARS!!! you can Literally can put anything it it. Most ideas involve food, but because I can’t send food to her, I looked a it further. I did found this cute idea. A Memory Jar. This can be something just for you or you can make it with memories you had with your best friends. You can decorate the jars to whatever you like.memory jar





I think this last one is the most perfect and amazing gift anyone could possibly get. I will love you forever if you give me something like this.

Open when… letters. It isn’t so hard to understand what the purpose is of this gift, but it is super cute. And you can choose what to put in the envelops. It could be a letter you wrote, or a little poem, maybe even a drawing or a picture. I though of Quotes, I love quotes. You can explain your whole life using only quotes.

I just can’t explain how much I love this idea. You can make dozens of them, for any occasion at all. decorate them like you want. You can’t do anything wrong with this.

Open when.. letters



So this were a few of the cutest DIY gifts. Hope you liked it, I certainly did. I probably make more of these posts, because I love crafts and making little DIY 🙂