I’m a hypocrite

Hello everybody!

As you may see from the title this is going to be about a personal conflict that I recently discovered. I recently started watching Valeria Lipovetsky on YouTube. She is a 26-year-old model and mom, and on such a short time she made me realize that I’m being a hypocrite to myself. I want to change that fact!

even though I’ve been bullied in high school, I’ve never cried as much in a year as I have now. In fact I can count the times I’ve cried over bullying on one hand, because I know this was going to end. When high school is over, I will never have to see those people again and everything is going to be glorious. I calmed myself with the though that maybe high school wasn’t my time. But college will be.

I have never been so wrong in my entire 20 year-long life. My anxiety spike, panic is almost a constant factor in my life. I constantly feel as if I forgot half of the stuff I had to do. I do not feel happy. I am working for school all the time, I have seen my friends (what’s left of them anyway) 1 time this semester, I’ve been out 3 time. 2 of which were only till 12 o’clock or earlier, because I had school. I don’t think my studies are particularly had, but it’s all I can think about. when I don’t the panic is there within 5 minutes. I don’t know if this is what I want, actually I know this isn’t what I want.

Recently I learned that to build healthy relationship, friendship or romantic, you have to love yourself and be happy with yourself. Because you cannot put that burden on somebody else. Thank you, Valeria, you are absolutely right. And the only times I am enjoying myself is with my friends and boyfriend. But that shouldn’t be the case, i should be happy when I’m on my own as well. I should love what I’m doing, instead of panicking and crying in my dorm.

I’ve always wanted to become a teacher, for as long as I can remember, so why shouldn’t I quit speech therapy and you do what I’ve always wanted to do? see the hypocrisy, as you may or may not know my favorite quote is:

sometimes all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage. Just, literally, 20 seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.

which my blog name also refers to. And I try to life by it as much as I can. So why don’t I just do it now, take my 20 seconds and change studies to do something I’ve always wanted to do? because I’m afraid I won’t be good enough? Because I lack the confidence? Because I don’t want to let people down? All of these are true thoughts I have

I can be a good speech therapist, but I could be a great teacher. Maybe I overcome my insecurities and shyness quicker, easier and better when I studying to become a teacher then with studying speech. I don’t know if I will be happier then, maybe it isn’t what I want. But honestly what I’m doing now is definitely not what I want.

So should I just take my 20 seconds and switch my career path or should I stay strong and finish this. Because that’s my biggest dilemma, change or hold on for a couple of years.
what would you do in my situation? I live in Belgium where I can change studies, I don’t live in America where I’ll end up with 10.000 dollars debts, so it’s not an unrealistic dilemma I’m having.

Lovies 

FairyLoot unboxing

Hi everybody!

After a month of exam stress, it is finally over and I can go back to fun things! YAY! Before exams started I bought myself a christmas present, and a motivation to look forward to during exams! I ordered my first FairyLoot book box! 

Although it was a little expensive with shipping added, it was really worth buying it ! It had so many fun gadget it in, any booklover would love it! All the gadgets are related to the book or the theme of the book, so it all fits together when your finished reading the story 😀

What is in the box, you ask? Well…

The first gadget I saw was the Meraki Candle ‘COME BACK YESTERDAY’. It smells amazing! like cocoa, berries and musk, to be exact. It was named by the author herself, which make it even cooler, in my opinion.

Next there I found the Funko Mystery Mini box, I got a mini Hermione Granger!!! This was also my first Funko Pop! item I got :p

Then came jewelry!!! Oh Panda Eyes, made a beautiful rose necklace for FairyLoot. I think it’s very pretty and I really like the lock as well. It’s not a standard little one, but a big one in the same style as the rose! I love it!

To eveyone surprise… THERE WAS A SECOND BOOK!!! ‘HOW TO THINK LIKE SHERLOCK’ by Daniel Smith. In this book they explain the personaly and the mind of the great Sherlock Holmes, with actually excisiting karacter and personality theories and neuroscience. But don’t worry it’s not a schoolbook in disguise, after the scientific insights there are puzzles to help you to observe, not just to see.

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Final item before the book reveal… a beautiful pillowcase! It was placed in bed by the time I went to bed.

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BOOK BOOK BOOK!!!!

I was already hoping it would be this book. Because for some reason my whole instagram was filled with pictures of it! And I was not so secretly crossing my fingers when I opened the bag.

CARAVAL by Stephanie Garber! along with the drawing of this month’s book, Fairyscoop, the letter form the author and 2 super pretty bookmarks (which are already placed in several others books I’m reading (oops?). I’m so happy with the whole box! I’m definitely going to buy another one! Sadly it is too expensive for me to really subscribe to it every month 😦 but maybe someday I will!

I’m already writing 2 other post, and hopefully I will keep up writing regularly!

read you later!!

Lovies

 

 

 

This the season to be jolly…

Hello everybodyyy!! (sorry for the lay-out, I cant seem to fix it :/ )
Never in my life have I felt less christmassy than this year! It sucked cause I absolutely loooove Christmas spirit! I had all my stuff ready to make a christmas haul, because for some reason I had a lot of stuff. Didn’t impove the feeling though. Anyway I had all these blog ideas but literally no time.
Since this year Winterbreak turned into study season. I think I studied more in 2 weeks than I did all 7 years of high school combined. And still I’m going to fail hard. Even with my highly orginazed planning (yes, I’m one of those people, and yes I stick to it. Even worse, I’m a day ahead, you can imagine the hate of others when you tell them that :p ). So my planning AND watching Grey’s anatomy, I still don’t get it. And I have 3 subjects of anatomie, so please kill me now!
I do am proud of myself a little, because I do study as much as I can fysically handle (which is going to bed at 10pm, or I can’t function at all in the morning), and my breaks are not binge watching series, like I normally would. It was like an early new years resolution, being productive on breaks. So that means reading… the high quality literature of wattpad fanfiction, if you like Harry Potter fanfics look up kmbell92. Also I started knitting again, still nog any further than last year… just knitting patches, I can make a blanket with is, someday when I have 1000 patches. And writing as uch as I can with the limited creativity I have, during these boring times.
But studying during christmas and new year sucks really hard. Seeing my cousins get drunk, even my mum doing a shot, and you just sit there. Nah, I have to study tomorrow. And I’m saving my day for New Year (which was a good choice btw). But christmas was very fun, I got my uncle and I got each other for secret Santa and we got each other Harry Potter gifts. There was a lot of martini bellini, and it was fun seeing everybody again. But god, I can’t wait until all those children are a bit older, it’s a miracle I’m not deaf!
Then after a week of hard work, studying and liters coffee, IT WAS NEW YEAR! We all really looked forward to it. This was the second year we did this, and just like then we made food (this year was macaroni) had some drinks (waaaay less than last year, cuz studying). It was the best time of the holidays. Also did a secret santa And I got awsome gifts!Around 11pm, the boyz came (the boyfriends and their friends) wished happy newyear and left to the pub :p I was freezing my toes off!!

In my opinion studying during holiday season should be illegal, how can I znjoy my Harry Potter gifts when I have to learn. And now the holidays are almost over and I getting panicked about exams starting Monday, just hoping I won’t cry in the middle of my exam… at least wainting til I get home for that

Anyways read y’all later if my parents didn’t kill me because I failed everything! Lovies<3

My Happy List II

Hello everyone!

It’s been a while again, oops. this is exactly why I quit New Year’s resolutions… I fail at them instantly :s But januari is a trail month, februari is the real deal :p

But anyway, since the end of december I have been having hospital appointments almost every week. And since this week and upcoming 2 weeks I have been promoted to two visits a week. I spend more time in the hospital than in school, I guess. But it isn’t the greatest place to be, it’s a bit of a downer actually. So that’s why I decided to list up all the things I do like to compensate a little :p

My Happy List part II

  1. Full written pages
  2. glittery bath bombs (specially Lush)
  3. Home-made chocolate milk
  4. Face Masks
  5. Animal onesies (I have a zebra and a dinosaur :p )
  6. Fluffy socks
  7. My friends (obviously)
  8. Listening to music under water
    (my headphones are apparently waterproof so I tried it and it’s amazing! note: apple headphones DO NOT survive this awesomeness)
  9. Listening to K3
    (it’s a Dutch children’s girl group, but I love it. Going to their concert in may! #ChildhoodMemories)
  10. Pizza! I looooooove pizza!
  11. My pink unicorn
    (got it for my 18th birthday and it hasn’t left my bed ever since I got it!)
  12. “I don’t give a damn”-days
  13. Helping people (with whatever I can help with)
  14. Friday’s at noon
    (class bounding moment: eating pasta in a café and laughing a lot!)
  15. Music covers (especially acapella covers)

And that’s it for this Happy List, If you want to check out My Happy List part I, click the link :p I hope you liked it 🙂

Lovies

My Happy List :D

Hi there!!

I’m back on schedule! *applauding* I had trouble finding inspiration lately. I’ve had a really crappy week, those days you have to much time to think about all the shitty things that happened over the last months and it reached a limit. You know, just lying in bed, listening to sad music and stare at the wall in front of you? To get over those moments there is a cure! Happy Lists!

The point of happy list is to make them when you feel down and check of as many as you can!

25 things that make me smile

1. Pancake Breakfast
2. Listening to music (currently 1989 from Taylor Swift)
3. Taking hot bath with loads of bubbles
4. Chatting with friends about random stuff
5. Writing (on my blog and my own story)
6. Reading (obviously)
7. Watching Disney movies
8. Drinking tea or coffee
9. Taking photographs
10. Singing along to High School Musical songs
11. Listening to Internet Takeover on BBC Radio 1
12. Watching youtubers
13. Being artsy and creative
14. Eating (I know, comfort food is never good!!)
15. Sleeping
16. Dancing around the house without pants on (FREEDOM! Or is that just me, again?)
17. Going to school (I just have a really cool class! it fun!)
18. Buying new clothes
19. Online shopping
20. Getting presents (some people like it and some don’t. And I LOVE it :p )
21. Going to parties (not every week of course 😉 )
22. Flowers
23. Trying new things to bake
24. Cooking a whole meal for your family
25. Discovering new music/bands

This was it.
DO MORE OF WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY ~ Alfie Deyes
What is happiness to you

happiness-is

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