Bare

Did you ever had to open yourself up, completely uncover yourself? Did you ever have to unveil your being and thinking? Did you ever have to expose and uncover everything in front of a group. If you have you will understand that this sucks…

Today I had to do a presentation about myself. Not an elementary school presentation like ‘hi, my name is …, and my hobbies are…. I like this because ….’ You did have to do the presentation based on things you like. But it was more about ‘what are your qualities and what are your ‘faults”. This could have gone fairly easy, I could’ve just told the ‘story of my life’, but that wasn’t the purpose. You really had to reveal yourself, for an exam with a creative task to accompany it.

Like I said, this can be an easy assignment, but it’s a lot harder when your insecure and in a rather bad period in your life AND have to tell that to a class who are practically strangers to me. I builded my presentation in a way that the parts where I was most likely to break and cry were more to the end, so that I didn’t cry the whole time. That plan didn’t work out.

when it comes to expressing feelings I am way better at it writing about it than talking. I am more rational when it comes to writing, maybe that’s why I have less trouble sharing this all to random strangers on the internet. I wrote my text weeks ago, but somehow saying it out loud made it real, not just some thought in my head. I never realised how much of an affects some of these thoughts had untill I spoke them, for real, to a group.

Things I thought were just a strive where actually thoughts that are preventing me of doing so. I always thought that my strive to become smarter and more creative were helping me, but today I realised this is the same thought that make me feel I’m not good enough. I never realised how much this played inside my head, untill I started crying in class.

somehow the ‘support’ and compliments of my classmates (who are strangers to me) were strangely uplifting, even though they only heard part of the story. This show again that simple compliments can really make your day suck a little less.

so here is my simple compliment to you all if you having a rough day…

You are important, you do matter and you are as fabulous as a baby panda riding a rainbow coloured turtle!

Lovies 

That time before Christmas

Hi there!

Yup, it’s that time again. the period before Christmas. And I don’t mean the holiday shopping and decorating the house. I mean exams.

that’s right, learning and studying from the moment you get home from school, until you fall asleep on your books (gives you pain in the neck and you can’t sleep comfortable for days.) But because I’ve been studying all week and preparing oral exams, I didn’t really think of something to blog :s So I’m just gonna ramble some things. (sorry in advance)

In between learning I thought about Christmas gifts. I have absolutely no idea for what to get or who I should give one. I like giving and receiving gifts, but I don’t know what others like to get. I only came up with things in jars. I’m so original.

Then another thing is, what will I eat? This is serious business. We sit at home most of the day with lots of candy and chocolate. After 3 days that will become my lunch, just because I’m too lazy to make real food. At least we’ll have proper ‘made by mom’ dinner.

And if worrying about exams isn’t stressy enough, I have to make a big decision before the end of exams. Maybe it isn’t that big of a deal but it is for me. Do you know the BBC Public Speaking Awards? if not, it’s a competition where you have to do a 5 minute speech about one of the given subjects. I really want to participate, but it’s PUBLIC speaking and I can’t even do a presentation in front of my class without dying of anxiety. But if I don’t do it I will regret it. See, it comes with coaching days and these days could really help me getting over my stage fright. DILEMMA!!! I don’t know what to do 😮

These are my three issues, have you got any ideas, tips or advise, please let me know! It would seriously help me out, a lot! Thanks!!

Lovies