Today I’d like to talk about something more serious and it’s not about feminism this time. This is about something a lot of people, mostly girls, have experienced or will experience in their live… Anxiety and anxiety attacks. I am no expert in this, I’ve read quite some articles about this to understand it better.
Like everybody else, I feel anxious from time to time. Before an exam, a job interview, going to college, moving out. But sometimes there are situations where the level of stress is higher and more overwhelming. It can be a panic attack (very intense) or an anxiety attack (same symptoms, but less intense). And that last happened to me a few times, one of them last night.
This week we have project week at school, it’s a week full of excursions with one theme. Today we had a biking trip, and I have been worrying about it ever since I’ve known about it. That doesn’t seem like a big deal, right. But last year I had to go to school by bike (something I didn’t feel confident about), but I didn’t really had much of a choice. Everything went good the first week, but then I had an accident. I was hit by a car, nothing to severe, but I broke my wrist and had a massive panic attack. Ever since that, I hadn’t even touched my bike again. I even got more panicky in the car (and I’m not even driving).
Last night I kept going over the route in my head, kept thinking of what happened and what could happen. I couldn’t sleep, it kept me awake, I did everything to take my mind of it. but it didn’t work. And the fact that my bike wasn’t even ready, didn’t help. This morning I was very anxious, I didn’t want to biking with 50 other students around me, I felt intimidated by the thought of it. My mom has been reassuring me for days, but my dad kept postponing fixing my bike. I started crying and I couldn’t stop, my stomach was turning, I was trembling. I managed to calm down to get ready. But that didn’t last long, I was rushed and shaken. My mom agreed to let me stay home, something I had asked a couple times. She didn’t know I was this scared to go.
It’s important to know what can cause an anxiety attack. And that you can’t stop it right away, but you can work on it. But you have to do so on your pace and not someone elses. It’s also important that other people know what it means and to react in a way that actually helps you. You can read hundreds of article about symptoms, causes and treatments. But I think this is more a personal thing. It’s not because I wasn’t nauseous at the time (one of the most common symptoms), that I wasn’t having an anxiety attack. You have to feel for yourself how much your level of stress and anxiety is above the normal state. Not everybody reacts and responds the same, there are some common symptoms, but that isn’t an ‘exclusive’ list.
I am really glad I could stay home, because I heard we were separated in 9 groups and that I had non of my friends with me. I could not have done that for sure. And when someone tells you they had a panic/anxiety attack about something as simple as a bike ride or performing in front an audience, don’t ever laugh about it, because you may not know what happened.
This all said, I finish this post. I know that this is something different, but I want to know that if you have anxiety, you’re not alone, even though it can feel that way.